Ramblings

In my search to persue missions, I have stumbled across some great information & some concern. I think the only true concern so far is the fact that I am divorced. Fortunately, Eddie's divorces are "covered" Biblically and mine was just "forgiven" since I did ask for "forgiveness"...But is that something that will be held against me when it comes to doing God's work? It bothers me that my divorce might be held over my head when I ended my marriage for the safety of my son & myself...then I had the spiritual sense to still ask forgiveness. Anyway, I feel like my experiences in life may "help" someone else to see that even their situation isn't the end of the road & they too can be forgiven. Hopefully whatever Mission Board we may be lead to go thru, will be understanding & see the good Eddie & I have to offer.
We had a wonderful phone conversation with Christie H. Friday! We felt bad that she had to stand on her head to get a good signal though & appreciate her willingness to sacrifice blood flow to help us get questions answered! We are really looking forward to joining them next Saturday!
We hope & pray to be able to start getting things thinned out, organized & begin to prepare ourselves for what is to come!

Faith

I wanted to "save" this forwarded email. I don't know how accurate it is but it has a great message. I don't know who started it to give them credit.
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm, The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man! Finally, after a horrific night. the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
***Moral of the story: Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not there.'For we walk by faith, not by sight.'***

"Have Thine Own Way, Lord"

Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Thou art the potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after thy will, while I am waiting, yielded and still.
Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master today!
Wash me just now, Lord, wash me just now, as in thy presence humbly I bow.
Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way! Wounded and weary, help me I pray!
Power, all power, surely is thine! Touch me and heal me, Savior divine!
Have thine own way, Lord! Have thine own way! Hold o'er my being absolute sway.
Fill with thy Spirit till all shall see Christ only, always, living in me!

We received the strongest confirmation this morning. For the last couple weeks, everytime we've stepped foot in the doors of our church, the message has seemed to be pointed directly at us! Alot of the questions & concerns we have had were touched on by our preacher.
We have had so many changes in where we thought our life was going like having a farm & lots of kids to the direction we're heading in now. We believe the Lord has been preparing out hearts & lives because we were all set to be foster parents & build up a little farm. We have felt at peace and no longer feel as strong about fostering right now even though we plan to keep our license that we worked so hard to get. We've even decided to sell our chickens & rabbits. After our dear "Woody" died last month, we knew we wouldn't replace him even though Matthew has been asking for another dog for a long time. Then we lost 2 chickens & 2 rabbits mainly due to the heat we had at the time. We've put in alot of work getting things in order for the animals but it almost seems "mute" now, if that's the right way to say it. It's not that we don't care about them, it's just not our main focus anymore. So we're ready to thin out our obligations to make time & save money for other things to come.
The message this morning was about the Lord passing by & blessing us. He said once the Lord makes His presence known, nothing stays the same. Lives change, people change. As He leads, He will not leave us. He wants us to know he's with us always. He will provide for us! He wants to know that we love Him more than anything else in this world & if we do, He wants us to serve Him no matter what it takes!
Eddie & I went forward for prayer with the preacher. I was filled to over-flowing by joy, excitement, nervousness & giving myself in obedience to the Lord. I'd been thinking about the hymn "Trust & Obey"...I felt like I was doing that but wondered what else I could be doing to make sure I was "hearing" the Lord & not just my own thoughts & desires. We feel like we're getting closer to knowing "what" we're supposed to be doing in our lives. So we're "trusting & obeying". Now I can honestly say I feel like we're obeying. Before, we'd prayed about our family & farm...thinking we were where God wanted us, but all that has changed.
Now we're preparing to go live with my grandma in hopes of taking care of her until the Good Lord calls her Home. I'm sure in the next days or months the Lord will be preparing us for what comes after that.
In the meantime, we will be working towards clearing out & preparing for our foster son to go to his new family. It's going to be a busy & emotional next few weeks but we atleast have the Peace in our hearts that it's what we're supposed to do!
We have a wonderful friend (& her family) who will be like mentors to us. Please pray for the Hagerman Family as they persue God's calling in the life!

Our first changes...

Well, it looks like we are headed for one of the first possible changes in our future. My dear grandma is showing obvious signs of needing someone with her more often. She has lived alone for 20 years, I think, and has done great! If I can live til I'm 96 years old & just then start getting more confused & feeble, I'll be doing good. I promised her over 10 years ago that she would never go to a nursing home & we as a family will do everything in our power to see to that.
We are preparing to dispose of alot of our belongings. This will also be a big help if/when we can make a mission trip. I made a list of things that need to "go", a list of things to take with us, a list of stuff that can be "stored" for later, etc. It feels good to atleast have something to work towards to make this happen.
We have also discussed our situation with our foster son's caseworker & will give her the definite "go ahead" as far as finding a foster home who can take him. We feel like this will be for the best & hope he can have a forever home with another family or his biological mom in the long run. We will put future fostering on hold until we get settled again. It probably sounds crazy for us to take a break from fostering this soon, after all we went thru to get licensed, but we truely feel this is something we need to do.
It feels good to be making preparations for our future, instead of feeling like we're supposed to be doing "something" but not knowing what that "something" really is. We have enjoyed living where we are now & thought at one time that we would want to stay here forever. Eddie & I have felt a difference in our dreams of having a farm & houseful of kids but couldn't really put our finger on anything imparticular. We feel like the Lord has been preparing our hearts for a change.
Please pray for my dear grandma. We'll all need prayer in this adjustment.

Our day...

So far Matthew's hanging in there with his new school. He is excited to be learning to play the TUBA in band class! I'm proud that he's trying!
We had our monthly caseworker visit today. She's the sweetest! She's young, full of gumption & willing to fight for what she believes in. We got to discuss with her our concerns & possible need in the near future of finding another foster home for our lil guy to be transferred to. We love him dearly but know it would probably not work having him with us if/when we start staying (possibly) with my grandmother. We've also been preparing ourselves for his return to his mom but today got news it may very well not go that way. That will all depend on how she does with getting her life in order. We'd said if he was available for adoption that we would want to adopt him. I think this bit of news is not from the Lord for some reason though. We still feel like some sort of missions is where God wants us. If we kept him until the next court date, when mom is supposed to have all her ducks in a row, it could go either way...then if there is TPR (termination of parental rights), then we could proceed with the adoption but could still take years to be completed...which means it would take that much longer to get to where we feel the Lord is leading us. In my heart, I don't "see" us with him permanently & that is hard to say since I would normally want to adopt as many children as we could & have a houseful. Could I be just trying to protect my own "mama heart" or is it just the evil one putting question & doubt in our minds to throw us off from what we feel led to do?? Honestly, I've tried to protect my heart & feel there is some other road we're supposed to go down in the near future.
We've got alot of praying to do. We don't want to make hasty decisions & miss out on the adventures the Lord has for us!
We're still in the planning stages of simplifying & down-sizing. It's kind of hard to know where to start. With our work schedules, it makes it hard to get much done. I'm thinking it will be nice to go thru & pretty much make a fresh start & on a new path.
I don't know if any of this post makes sense. I feel yucky thanks to sinus mess, so there's no telling what my ramblings might or might not sound like. So anyone who might read this, please join us in prayer! Thank you!

The Lord's Will

We can only hope the Lord is having his way in our life, especially today where Matthew is concerned. We finally got a call from the Dist. Office & long story short, our concerns about Matthew and school were basically shot out of the water & dismissed.
I picked Matthew up for a Dr appt & he said he would just stay at that school...He doesn't want to cause problems...We want him to have every possible chance to succeed. We haven't given up but won't be aggressive at trying to change their mind about allowing him to switch schools right now.
We know the Lord will watch over him wherever he is! We also feel like some changes are coming our way in the near future so we'll see what happens. Who knows, if we're for sure called to the mission field, we may be homeschooling him at some point anyway!
We're still in the process of downsizing & simplifying. We feel like this is for a reason, we just don't know what the reason is yet. My dear grandmother is 96 years old, still lives by herself (& her dog)...she is getting more feeble & forgetful...We are making ourselves available to take care of her if need be. She has told me she feels lonely most of the time so we'll see how the Lord directs us.

Prayer & Praise

We had family prayer before Amy's scheduled meeting with her principal. I knew she was anxious about how she would be received. She said she was alittle nervous right before it but felt good going in! =) (The Lord was with her!) She said the meeting went well & said the principal could've probably "fixed" the situation before school started had she known...we didn't know & were trying to communicate with the District Office, but couldn't get a response. Soooo, Matthew has a Dr's appt tomorrow to see our wonderful family Dr. for advice & assistance. We'd been contemplating this anyway but now might be the right time. I'm also going to be emailing his previous teacher & Guidance Counselor to see if they will make a small recommendation on our behalf. Besides, we were given the reason for denial of our request that all the classes were "full"...some of them may have been but not the ones we wanted anyway according to Amy! It was like we didn't get a true response or someone just didn't want to be agreeable at the D.O.. So we're still praying things will work out for the best. The principal at the school we want him to go to was supportive so we have a good start, I think. We will be praying for the asst. superintendent to have an open mind & see that we are only concerned about Matthew's well-being & success in school. We hope to have a meeting with him within the next 2 days. Won't you join us in prayer??
Today, we kept Matthew home...we knew how anxious he was. He was so down on himself (& sore from yesterday's practice) that he was going to miss practice tonight. I basically talked him into going & it went well. I told him it could be a way to get his frustrations out. Poor guy. He said he wasn't even as sore afterward. Thank You, Lord, for being with our young man.
So we'll see how tomorrow goes. We pray for God's will in the situation & Peace in our home.
Oh & I found out today the "placement" DSS was asking about was the little guy we had as a respite placement before. I got negative responses from Eddie & Matthew so unless the Lord says "Yes, you will", we're not planning to take him for various reasons. His caseworker says he should be going "home" (again) next month.
Ok, enough for today...

"Are you washed in the Blood?"

This hymn was on my mind this morning & it brings a such a peaceful feeling! I'm so fortunate to have been raised in a Christian home with a preacher for a daddy. Even though we didn't have all the things the world provides, we had the most stable parents, guidance & were given the greatest foundation possible! I'm so Thankful for my parents!
We have such a heavy burden on our hearts. Matthew is going thru alot with the new school, etc. Thankfully, my sister, Amy is working on helping us get permission for Matthew to go to the original school we were planning to send him to. She's a "resource" teacher there & we feel he would excel there. So we're praying! She's going to talk to her principal for direction at 4:05 today. She's asking that we pray for guidance & the words to plead his case for us. So if anybody reads this, please join us in prayer.
In the meantime, we're still praying for guidance & wisdom for the burden on our heart towards missions. It is such a strong desire & we feel like something that we are being led to do. Please pray as we're attempting to learn Spanish & working on getting our passports, etc.
I guess that's all for now.

My Poor lil guy

Today was my sweet boy's 2nd day of school ...Middle school (6th grade), new school, new friends, new teacher...now that he's playing football again he's got a new set of coaches & only one guy he knows from last year's team. I think he's alittle overwhelmed.
We wanted him to go to the original school we'd been told he would go to but turned out we were 'zoned' for this different school. We tried to change it but we can't even get a response from the Asst Superintendent, which I think is super rude! It's so hard to see him go thru this. I do wish we could homeschool again. We have Faith that we will be able to again one day, Lord willing. I know I can't protect him all his life, but I do know how kids are now days & can be down right mean. We are trying to raise him as a solid Christian boy but having to fight the worldly stuff is hard.
He came home from football practice tonight basically depressed acting & in tears. He said he didn't know what was wrong. Finally he said he didn't want to go back to that school because he didn't like it. I know he has to adjust to a new everything but it's so hard to see him go thru this.
So anyone who happens by this blog, please pray for Matthew.
Today was my second day at a new job. Oh, Lord, will you please show us where we need to be? I love being a nurse (most days) but there's definitely something missing.
I got a call from our licensing worker saying she had a placement to discuss with us. We're not sure we want another foster child right now, with all we have going on...will we be missing out on a precious blessing if we don't accept another placement? We haven't heard from her again today so she may have found another foster home...maybe we won't even have to make that decision. I heard a commercial yesterday calling foster parents "missionaries" which isn't something I ever thought of but it can't be all we're meant to do...Can it? When she mentioned a placement, I didn't get excited like before. We have all intentions of working towards missions & have wondered if we should take alittle break from fostering in case we get a for sure call to do some sort of missions. Mainly so we can get things done & sorted, and not have to make a child make another adjustment for us to follow a dream/calling.
Well I need to crash...this has been a long day.
Please pray for us.

Our morning

The alarm didn't go off this morning...ugh...first day of school for Matthew too. We made it though without too much hassle. I think I'm more nervous than Matthew is about a new school, new teacher, new friends, new routine, etc.
Eddie woke up with the song "I will not be moved" (I can't place the song right this minute but he said it's about doing God's work & not being deterred by anything or anybody.) I have "Have Thine Own Way" in my head. I love, love the "old hymns". That's about all I was raised on in church as a "PK". They bring such Peace!
I have so many things running thru my head, it would make someone dizzy to read. Alot of questions that might seem "worrisome" about potential missions but I think of some them as preparing for going...like not knowing exactly how long we would be gone at first & making arrangements for having our "stuff" in storage (making the payment)...Pulling Matthew out of public school & homeschooling while we're gone...will he be able to test back in when (if) we come back for the next year ...Eddie's child support: Do we just go on Faith that the Lord will provide that too so we don't come back to the US with a warrant for his arrest? Is that something we need to try to "help ourselves" to some extent in preparation or step out on complete Faith & hope we can make the payments? Something else I'd like to find out is will my nursing licensure accept out of the country "work" if need be to renew my license in 2 years? That's petty because I don't think there are certain hours anymore to maintain licensure but I'm just curious. Besides, I just renewed it so I've got a while to have to deal with that...
I'm not even "worried" about when we would come back to the states, not having a home set-up to come back to. We have family, Thank the Lord, who would put us up til we could get going again. I would just need to stay on good terms with my job(s) so if we came back in 6mths-1year, I could get back to work if that's what the Lord was leading us to do.
Well I could sit on here all day, probably, & try to hash out things but I need to get some stuff done & pray about these things instead of worrying over them. So does this all mean I'm not strong enough Spiritually to go do God's work or is it just my chance to grow & get stronger in Him????
Have a great day, whoever reads this!

Our future

We are in the beginning/planning stages of simplifying & down-sizing our worldly possessions. There are still alot of questions in our mind but we know with God's guidance, those answers will come to us as we need them. I guess/hope it's "normal" to wonder in the meantime...
I talked to my mom about feeling led to get involved with Missions. She's one who wants all her kids & grandkids close by as much as possible, but she also had a sister who was a missionary in Thailand when I was a baby. I'm not saying she was jumping up & down with excitement but she wasn't against it (atleast not openly). When I told her we would be downsizing & not expecting to take anymore foster placements right away, she asked how many boxes I thought we'd need to store in her attic. This coming from us who "moved" to Asheville, NC, my birth place to try to make a fresh start with our life...I got homesick & we moved back after about 9 months! LOL! BUT Eddie & I realize that preparing for missions, isn't like what we were hoping to do by moving to Asheville. Yes, it could be a "move" & lifestyle change, but it would be "different". Things in our life are different now then they were then. We would be doing the Lord's work & not just trying to make our ends meet by punching a clock...We would be on God's time clock. Wow, what a concept!
Yes, we would miss our families but we know it would be such a rewarding experience! So we're praying hard for guidance & direction.
In the meantime, we're trying to muddle thru. We do still have life to live here but it's hard to stay focused when there's so much that can be different in the near future.
We are getting out of the rabbit & chicken "business" as soon as possible. For one thing, it will be less we have to fool with when it comes to day-to-day life. It will save us money as far as their feed goes too. We've lost all but one goldfish so even that will be one less thing...we've already told Matthew when "Goldie" is gone, we will empty the tank & put it away (probably sell it). There's just so much "stuff" that takes up our time, money & energy, I'm ready to get things down to the bare necessities. Even if we weren't considering missions of some sort, I had already been wanting to unclutter our home & lives so it won't hurt my feelings at all! All of the worldly possessions that we have were either bought, given to us & can be gotten again later if we need them. There are materials of convenience, habit, etc that we will learn to deal without.
When I read Christie's email tonight to Eddie, it just stoked the fire that we feel is burning in us. Like I told her, he said to be able to have a job of doing God's work would be the most amazing experience ever in helping build a missionary training center. After all his life, knowing he had a "gift from God" with his skills and finally being able to do it for the glory of God is like a dream come true!
So we're going to try to use our time wisely...learning Spanish (or trying to!), setting aside $$ to get our passports, etc. Another question in my mind as far as getting sonny-boy's passport is that he doesn't have a "father" listed on his birth certificate...he also has my maiden name...We don't want complications if we're going out of the country & it would make things more simple, I think, if he had our last name, which is something we've been wanting to do for a couple years now...I'm planning to call an attorney to find out what a step-parent adoption is going to involve since there's not a biological father in the picture & never has been. Matthew wants this & already considers Eddie his "daddy" so it's just the legalities. So if anyone reads this & has any info, please feel free to share!
Another issue we are possibly facing is my dear grandmother who is 96 years of age. She still lives alone (well with her dog "Sweetie") & is declining alittle at a time. (IF I make it to 96 I'll be doing good!) She has been more forgetful, Bless her heart & has been falling more. My mom & aunt have broached the subject of possibly needing to get a "sitter" for her to help keep an eye on her. I promised grandma many years ago that she wouldn't go to a nursing home, that I would quit my job to stay with her, if need be. I intend on keeping that promise! I told mom Saturday that Eddie & I have discussed me being her "sitter" if it was decided to go that route. For one thing, we're very hesitant to just send any ole body in there to be with her...It's bad people can't be trusted now days but it's a big concern. I think we could get it worked out where I could still work a 12 hour shift at the rehab hospital once a week or so & still have her being watched over more regularly. We have even talked about the possibility of 'somebody' needing to move in with her. If it comes down to that, we are downsizing anyway & not planning to take anymore foster kids right now, so that shouldn't be an issue. I guess we'd just have to have another home inspection when we got settled again some where. See...over thinking again. Mom agreed that we are more "mobile" than anybody else in the family...everybody has their homes & families, pretty much rooted. We're kind of like the gypsies in the family, I guess. We know it will all work out, just trying to keep all options open.
Well this has gotten super long & I have tried to get my posts to show the short version instead of novel length but it hasn't worked. So don't get too overwhelmed (whoever might read this)! LOL Keep us in your prayers, please!!!!!!!

Still expecting God's guidance

Even after a few days, our fire is still burning for what the future holds for us. We are anticipating what the Lord has planned for us.
We did find out that our foster son will probably be with us another 6 months. It's "good" but it also means that is more time for him to be attached to us as a family (& vice versa) & then get uprooted possibly.
If nothing else, we will busy ourselves with clearing things out (downsizing) & maybe the Lord's timing will work out around the time the baby leaves (if he does), so maybe it won't hurt so bad.
I've gotta get started on learning Spanish. I really would like to set aside so much time a day to focus on it.
Oh! My good friend, Ashley, is interested in going on a mission trip too! She and her new husband have discussed it so we'll see if we can get them in on it too! She's been to Guatemala already & wants to go back some day. So we'll see!
We're so looking forward to Ken & Christie coming back to see what all they have to say! We're praying they have a wonderful time in TN at the COGOP Assembly. Hopefully they will get some info about their own trip & maybe some news for us to work on our trip!

Baby steps

We are so thankful to Ken & Christie for advice, guidance & patience with our many questions...and there will be more, guys, so get ready! LOL
This concept of missions just feels so right. I am so ready to start de-cluttering...I guess I'm just trying not to get my hopes up & afraid of disappointment (as it has been with trying for another biological child of our own, very temporary fostering placements, etc). I'm ready for something positive to happen in our lives (besides the 2 experiences we have had so far with fostering, which has been great but also heart-breaking too). I so want to know what God wants us to do.
We didn't go to the adoption licensing orientation class Monday, mainly because we didn't feel like that was as urgent as we originally thought. We're probably not even going to go to the class in Charleston because we feel like the money spent on the trip could be used in a better way, hopefully in the direction we're meant to be going. We think postponing some things as far as fostering is the right way to go right now. We have decided that once there is a decision for our present foster son, we won't accept anymore placements right now. We need to re-group alittle since we've been so busy with the kids we've had & need to get some things done, even if our future doesn't hold a mission trip right away...I'm even ready to clear out a good bit of the things we've collected just for fostering. I figure we bought a good bit of stuff second hand & will get it again later if we need it. Honestly, I don't think we will need it right away anyway...Besides, we might can make some money back & put towards getting our bills caught up and or put it towards our baby steps involving missions.
Before we even started discussing missions, we were talking about getting into a "taller", not so much bigger, just "taller" home. So it gives us 2 good reasons to clear out & prepare ourselves for what the future holds, whether it's a move to a taller home or checking out missions.
Today, I stopped by the P.O. to find out what it's going to take to get our passports. We have something to work out as far as Matthew's birth certificate but otherwise, it doesn't seem very complicated. Then Matthew & I went to the library. (Thanks again, Christie, for sharing your wealth of info!) I updated my library card & checked out some "learning Spanish" material. I'm looking forward to us beginning to learn Spanish as a family. I think that, along with daily devotions, will be a good mix.
I tend to over think things most of the time but hopefully with Spiritual growth & baby steps, we will have a total Peace about everything!

Guidance & Direction

Ya know how when you get excited thinking about possibilities for the future, new goals, etc & there is like a "honeymoon period" when feelings might diminish & a person gets back into the mundane part of life, thinking it'll never happen? (Whew that was a long sentence! LOL) Well we have alot to be praying about as far as our guidance & direction from the good Lord.
Today...well let me go back to this past weekend...When I found my friend Christie's blog, it was like a light came on in my head. Could missions of some sort be what we need to be involved with? Maybe we're just meant to be in the USA helping our friends who are going to Peru. But Christie hit the nail on the head when she said God was speaking to her heart saying, "That's 'ok' but that's not IT" (when it came down to the little steps towards missions). Well like I said before, there's something we're missing in our life as a family. We still don't know exactly yet but we think we're being spoken to & are praying for guidance. We're afraid of jumping the gun when it might be just our thinking of what we think God wants us to do...did that make sense?
Eddie has always said he has a God-given gift to fix things & I agree. He's so able and has always wanted to use his "gift" but hasn't been sure where or when or even how. I have always been a nurse. It's the only career I've ever known but I'm not finding true satisfaction in that anymore. Could our talents/knowledge be what God wants us to use in a mission type setting? Is it just our imagination or just the excitement of something new & unknown? I don't think so, atleast not totally. Right now, we're very open to a "mission trip" for starters. I do think there's more, but we don't for sure know what. Eddie woke up this morning with missions on his mind, even singing "Dance with my Father" (worship song from last night). He even expected a lull in emotions from our experiences this weekend. Instead this morning, he was even more sure there's something we're supposed to be doing. He even said he felt like if the Lord wanted us to, it wouldn't be impossible to be on the same plane as Ken, Christie & family when they leave in November. I'm alittle more hesitant about that being realistic for us right now but I know God is in control & very much capable of making that happen.
Ok, this weekend, along with finding Christie's blog, we were very touched & had a light come on in our hearts. Well, after almost staying home from church (out of laziness), we got to church to hear a MISSIONARY as the morning speaker. He was an "on fire" missionary to truck drivers! He had an amazing story! We had to smile about all we'd been talking about & then go to church to be receiving a message from a missionary! It was like a "Ok, God, we're hearin' ya!" moment. I was so psyched to get to go see Christie & family and hear what they had to say about their journey towards missions. It was all that & more!!! I could definitely feel the Lord moving in that church! I get goosebumps thinking about it now! I felt so "washed" over by the Holy Spirit it was unreal! That's not something you can be unsure about. I drank it all in & could've stayed all night soaking it all in. Christie, Ken & the girls did a wonderful job putting their mission out there. To be reunited with someone after 10 years, knowing they were still the same & having that confirmed was such a blessing! To actually be friends with someone that on fire for God, someone who wants to risk it all, all they've ever known in this world, to do God's work is the most amazing feeling that can't really be put into words. I am so proud of them!!
After the service, we went out to eat with Christie & alot of the church folks. It was so great to get to catch up with them. Everybody made us feel so welcome! I hated to leave afterwards.
Now we have alittle more to go on. I still have more questions but we atleast have an idea where to start. Even if the Lord only wants us to go on a short term mission trip, we're willing.
Well I guess I'd better get moving on other stuff for the day even though it's exciting to try to put into words what we're thinking & praying about. We know things will fall into place as they're supposed to happen. It will just be hard to be patient.

Where do I start?

It's amazing what changes we have gone thru in our little family. There are so many thoughts going thru my mind so it might not make much sense right off. Since this is my first "blog", I will try to group ideas like most folks do.
First off, I didn't really think we as a family had anything to really blog about, much less anything anybody else would be interested in! We probably still don't, but after the last couple days, I felt like I could use a place to put my thoughts, ideas, concerns, any news, etc.
Secondly, I didn't think I could commit to spending time "writing" since I usually snag time every once in while just to read emails. I just kind of feel like it's something I need/want to do now, so I'll give it a shot. Also I have found several bloggers that I like to check in on & I can have them on my own blog page.
Anyway, I still don't know where to really start. Over the last few months, we've gone thru struggles financially, spiritually, etc. We have always wanted to raise our family with Christian values & have a home church to call our own, like the way I was raised. Church was an important part of my youth since I was raised by a minister but DH (Eddie) was not. Two worlds have come together in a sense. Not saying one way or another is better or worse, just different. So we've tried to get the best of both our worlds & use them to build a good home for our family.
We've (I've) felt like "something was missing" in our life to some extent but haven't been able to put my finger on it.
We felt led as a family to persue being licensed as foster parents. The process went well considering and wasn't as bad as we expected it to be. (Especially the thought of having DHEC come into our home. I was a nervous wreck. The house had never been so clean! LOL) We got our license in March & our first foster son in April. We had been waiting for that first call! (I will try to only give initials when referring to the foster kids for confidentiality reasons.) "JJ" was 23 months old & as sweet as he could be! We fell in love with him immediately! We knew there was a possibility he would be returned to his family but had so many things we wanted to do with him first. We tried to prepare our hearts for the inevitable. After all we had been thru with him (being in the hospital with him the first 5 days we knew him, all the Dr visits, etc), it was so hard to let him go knowing we probably wouldn't get to interact with him again.
The Lord sent us a respite placement I'll call "D". We had him for 10 days or so. He was 3 years old & sweet, handful. He was busy and a good playmate for "JJ". We, honestly, were thankful to get back to having just the one 2 year old...=)
June 16th, 2008, we got a call about 4:40 p.m. asking if we would be interested in getting a 4 month old baby boy that DSS "might be" taking into custody. Eddie & I discussed it about 10 minutes before the DSS office called back to see if we were able & willing. We agreed to take him & picked "MW" up at our foster parent meeting at 6:30 p.m. that very night. On top of all this, Eddie had to work so he wasn't able to get to help with our transition time. Babies are babies but there's still the need to "get to know" a baby & that just takes time. Besides we haven't had a baby in the house in a while so we were alittle rusty! He is the sweetest, smiling-est (is that a word???), blue-eyed, baby. He's made good progress in his development & head re-shaping since it was on the "flat" side. He's even cutting his first bottom tooth. He love, love, loves to eat his rice cereal & baby food!
Well that's the most update on our actual foster placements so far. We have been planning to get our "adoption license" so we're ready in case of any future TPR (termination of parental rights) cases we might encounter. We actually are supposed to go for the orientation session tomorrow in Greenville but have since discussed it, deciding it isn't an urgent issue for us right now. Not saying we won't reschedule but we feel like the Lord is leading us in a different way than we expected.
Even after finding a church we can call home, getting our foster parent license, having a couple new little people in our home & feeling like we were headed on the right track in life...we (I) STILL feel like there's something "missing". But what in the world could it be??? We have always wanted a "farm". We got a pretty good start with chickens & rabbits but for some reason that has even seemed to be put on the back burner for one reason or another.
Recently, we have lost a few rabbits & 2 chickens, we believe in most part from the heat...Woody, our Boykin Spaniel, died last month, leaving us with the 2 "girls", Ginger the German Shepard & Shelby the Shih-tzu.
In the last couple weeks we began discussing the possibility of facing another move. The house we live in has low ceilings & Matthew is 5'6 already & not even 11 years old yet. I can't fully extend my arms without hitting the ceiling. I was surprised when Eddie & I discussed it that he was accepting of this to some extent, even though we truely hate to move. We agreed that it wouldn't hurt to be open to the idea of moving. We'd love to buy our own home vs renting but even that doesn't feel "right" yet. I told Eddie tonight that I feel almost like we're at a dead end with the "farm" thing right now. I'd been feeling like we needed to downsize some on our animals & if not downsize, just not replace any of them at this point. It's just a weird feeling. Well when we started talking about the possibility of looking for a new home, I felt like it might be time to start clearing some clutter. I haven't gotten very much done except cleaning out Matthew's closet & trying to clean out his room alittle. I still have a long way to go! I haven't been a great big hurry but think there might be another reason to pace myself & get it done. I've even considered going thru my "craft" stuff (that I have had good intentions of using) & thinning things out. That says alot for me!
Friday night (the 9th), I was surfin' the net & checked on my MySpace page, clicked on Christie Hagerman's page. There I found her blog link & much to my surprise, they are preparing to go to Peru as missionaries!!! Since this is getting so long, I will try to cut it short & write more later. We surprised Christie, Ken & their girls at College Park Worship Center in Greenville for a sort of reunion & to find out more about mission trips, etc. What a treat that was!!! I will try to organize my "missions" thoughts in another blog. So stay tuned! Oh & we would very much appreciate any prayers from anyone who happens across this blog...we need all the Guidance we could possibly get!